Hurricane Sandy Eyes Rhode Island

Right now the drum roll is increasing for the perfect, perfect storm. Indeed, the combination and compilation of weather phenomena are threatening to pummel the east coast somewhere between Delaware and Maine. Sandy, a name better suited to Bruce Springsteen's Fourth of July, is the moniker given to a so-so hurricane now leaving Cuba to scamp the east coast of Florida. Surely the moon will not be rising over Little Eden tonight.

Weather computer models, which are as accurate as Saturday night special shooters, say it's gonna be BIG. Yup Sandy will mate with a eastward moving weather disturbance now over Illinois and raise Cain. Cain got a bad rap by the way, Abel was an agitator. Once Cain is erected and it eructates upon landfall, the damages are predicted to exceed a $billion. A $billion really isn't that much in today's squidoo, but it rolls out of la bocca sweetly. $billlllione!

Somewhere in hurricane leveling is the comeuppance of all of the plebes, the ones who cannot afford beach houses. The thing is that the plebes end up paying for all of the damages one way or another. La gente ricca never lose, never. Yet, to see the mayhem and devastation is, in a perverse way, like watching a NASCAR racer burn up. Yup perverse, but this is America, a hard edged live or die society. And so the wait has ensued, the meteorites predict the pop for Tuesday. Ha! That's six days away...

The bread is already gone, water scarce and batteries - none. Milk is always available by induction. Gas lines have formed and old ladies are dyeing blue early. Imagine getting stuck without power, bread and water and being found curled rigor mortis with dull gray hair. Imagine that! Curiously, hurricanes are economic boons (not baboons) for a certain underbelly group of opportunists. Home Depot and Lowell's (old blue haired ladies call Lowe's Lowell's...) make a ton of dollari in these kinds of weather scares. Plywood and generators are already semi bound from the midwest to the I-95 corridor.

New Jersey has sent three caravans of trailer homes to Rhode Island. They should be there in six hours, fully set up in twenty-four, and operational in forty-eight. It is important that the mobile homes be functioning since weather baddies can tell the difference between faux targets and the real thing. You see, New Jersey is clever by sending the non festooned domiciles to RI. To miss a destructive weather force is priceless. Besides, to New Jerseyans, Rhode Island could just as well be Somalia. Chris Christie is so smart, smooth and lubricious.

Some naysayers have already begun to bellyache that this upcoming tragedy is the result of global warming. (say that in a deep slow voice and preferably say it into a hollow tube to get an echo effect, GLOBAL WARMING...) There, that's it GLOBAL WARMING. Fossil fuel will be incriminated left and right as the motorists top their tanks at the local Shell. In Pawtucket ... at a Shell...

Gonna be a big storm Thaddeus.

Yes, Phineas, big for sure...

Yeah down on Aquidnick, martial law is in place... dey pulled all the boats out.

Hmmm, dose da well healed down dere.

Yeah, dey wear sailor hats and blue blazers in da rain. Man look at all dese cars... must be lined up 'round the corner for a fill.

It's a gas run... funny how all dese people drive cars and complain about da environment.

Paradox of da times... Phineas said with a wry smile

Hey, di ya' hear New Jersey sent us some free mobiles. My neighbor, Roger Williams, put in for one. Only requirement is dat he has to move in by tomorrow. Dey put some in Kingston, Cranston and Bristol. 

Nice of 'dem to think of us, one state helpin' another.

Yeah, hey did ya' see dat passenger hottie in da sedan on da other island. Gonna go wash her windshield while I top 'er, hopin' she's goin' commando... (she is.) Thaddeus is goin' have an eyeful cause young women glisten.

And so it goes, day to day. The weather is huge news for the non-busy and the retired. It represents an endless panorama of change, a natural amusement. In addition, climate allows mothers and fathers to get protective.  Preserving the youth is a formidable task, but one with immense brain deep satisfaction. Like an orgasm, but different. Primal... The idea of surviving angry weather is storytelling in utero. Short shrift should not be given to the additional potential of herd weeding. That, too, is as natural as vanilla ice cream, a treat which should be eaten before the electricity is lost.

Here in New Jersey precautions are afoot. Snow is possible, they say, the meteorites. With college degrees in weather prediction, meteorites can foretell precipitation, the wind and the suntan index with the accuracy of a Santa Anita tout. Hmmm. Ever wonder what happens to all that bread and water, all those batteries and sheets of plywood after the threat has passed. Wonder no more! New Jersey will send everything to Camden, a hell hole of a city on the Delaware sitting in the shadow of Philly. Maybe the mobiles should be diverted and sent elsewhere. Yeah...

Batton down the hatches, mates!

Caio, fellow babies...

October 30, 2012

This is the day after superstorm Sandy kicked the butt of New Jersey. Rhode Island escaped most of it! Christie never sent the mobile homes to the Ocean State. He left them in NJ... Bullseye! He should have read the above, lol!