So far it has been a brutal week for financials. Yeah, yeah the Spaniards and the Italians and the Greeks and Portugese are busted out. Their banks suck. Well so do the banks of France, but they are a tongue kiss better. But that's Europa, old stodgy and armpit stinky. Here in America people shower hourly... and they use stench killer deodorants.
Chuckle, chuckle or should that be are you shittin' me? Late yesterday, after the markets closed (of course) JP Morgan Chase (your ass up a tree) announced that the company had blown $ two billion in poor choice investments. Hedge investments to keep the portfolio tuned, they were. Voldemort did it!* Well that is the name the company uses for London based Bruno Iksil, the trader designated to take the rap for the JP egg face. Credit derivatives can be tricky. Consequently, Morgan Chase share price tumbled in the after hours. Surprise! And the foundations of the American banking system have been shaken. Surprise!
Considering that JPM has worldwide deposits and assets of some $1.1 trillion, what's $2 billion? Piss in the ocean... Peanuts... No sweat... In reality JPM stands to make that all back and more as the lead underwriter for the Facebook IPO. So what's the deal, why did the altar-boyish Jamie Dimon need to show his ass? Confess? Sing like a canary? Some here in the swamps think he should have considered the loss as a business event... and that he should have remained mum.
Volker Rule! Yes indeed, a provision of the Dodd-Frank Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act, which limits proprietary trading by banks with customer cash. Naturally the banks hate the Rule, but as it turns out this event makes the Rule solid as rock. In fact, the Rule looks too weak and needs fortification. Oh Mr. Dimon, what have you done? Rather than getting rid of this nettlesome millstone, you and yours have burdened the banking system forever.
Confidence destruction is bad, bad and bad. When it comes to banks and financials, in general, people need to be able to feel good about putting their money in them. Otherwise the mattress and a Feeldoe are way better alternatives for money storage and putting it in them. Sad to say, but this egregious loss is a foundation shaker. Maybe if it hadn't been JP Morgan Chase? Maybe if it hadn't been Jamie Dimon? When the quality banks blow it... JPM is not Second Sun of Kissmyass Florida and Jamie is not Wilbur Snodgrass!
In the end, all will be salved. Printing money is easy. Get the green ink ready. The odds here in Jersey are one in seven that CEO Dimon will man-up and resign. Doubtless he should even if he is not Voldemort. Captain of the ship and a bag of chips demand that the affable. sweet talking big kahuna tender a bye-bye letter to the board. If he fails to do so, Bruno Picataggi of Bayard Avenue thinks Jamie needs to be pink slipped. But what does he know? Jersey Bruno is a TV repairman in an era when blokes don't fix 'em, they throw the flat screens away when they fail. Fail! They throw them away... Speaking of throwing away, what will happen to Bruno Iksil? Second Sun is looking for a loan officer at the Lake Okeechobee branchlet.
*others have referred to Mr. Iksil as the London Whale