Nuts to Death

Some things need to be said again and again. Especially when they are hilarious, ribald and death is involved. While these characteristics seem highly improbable in association, the tale out of Haiku City, China about the man dying from getting his jewels squeezed fits the ball.

On April 19 (a day which will now live in go-naddery), a middle aged woman attempted to park her scooter in front of a store. The male proprietor went nuts. Parking in China is New York City-ish. An altercation ensued, followed by the appearance of the Vise Madam's own set of titled double marbles and her brother (who presumably was packin' two too.) The fracas heightened until finally the shopkeep passed out (and died.)

Once the aggrieved lady Clamper got a hold of his testicles, the merchant couldn't take it. Presumably the immediate gonadal pain was followed by abdominal spasming, which was then followed by the inability to breathe. And sadly came cardiac arrest. Curtains (it may have been a home furnishings specialty shop!)

A female medical student opined.... When a guy gets hit in the testicles, besides the agony from the glands themselves, the attack on this nerve centre causes the abdominal muscles to lock solid. This causes him to hunch forward, unable to straighten up for some time (therefore protecting the testicles from further harm) This also has the effect of squeezing the stomach, creating the feeling of nausea that guys get when this happens. And it interupts his breathing so that if the cause of the pain is prolonged(eg. the testicles are being squeezed) for more than 30secs or so, he will lose conciousness! And yes, in extreme cases it will actually stop the heart beating, resulting in death! http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Can_you_die_from_a_hit_to_the_nuts#ixzz1tKR5Apig

Hmmm. Nut-sacks-ers beware! Just think back to when Lorena (The Blade) Bobbit cut off her husband's penis. Wayne had been a bad dinger. A spate of copycock incidents ensued. Many a man suffered like disfigurement. Are scroti now at increased risk of compression maladies? Simply answered, YES! This story is a big ha-ha.

Men, here are few tips to consider:

• always wear clothes, even to bed (especially in bed) and while showering
• form fitting underwear is desirable
• never be recklessly nude
• never expose the scrotum without absolute confidence in those in the peri-genital region
• always carry a knife (at least 4 inches) to cut the throat of a nut assassin
• shave the sac... hair is always a clinch point
• consider a testicle attack deadly, act with equal retaliation
• don't disagree or argue with anyone with easy access to the nether regions for at least one month, RED ALERT
• Drain the balls and surrounding tissues daily or better yet twice by ejaculation, smaller is less grabbable
• take zinc for general cum health

Time to move on. Got a lot of stuff on the agenda and now with having to wack or whack or wonk or jack an extra time makes a day so congested. Where's that pic of April O'Neil...

Ciao