Thursday, July 28, 2011

Hefner is not a Two Second Man, Sorry

Always the need to talk leads to no good. Crystal Harris, the Runaway Playboy Bride, chatted up Howard Stern. Of all things the conversation turned to.... Hugh Hefner's prowess. Now that she has "escaped" the Playboy Mansion and the ultimate hook-up with Hef, Crystal has shared details...

  1. Mr. Hefner stays dressed. Crystal never saw him naked.
  2. Crystal did love him and the lifestyle.
  3. She and Hefner had intercourse only ONE time.
  4. Harris was pleased that Hefner didn' t want to have sex more (than once).
  5. She did not have an orgasm during their singular encounter.
  6. The sole act of intercourse lasted "like 2 seconds".
  7. When Stern asked if Hef "came", the Playmate said "no", saying that she asked him to "take it out".
  8. She said that she was not turned on by Hefner.

What a pity. For anyone with half a brain, the idea of a Hefner-Harris marriage was preposterous on its face. Obvious advantages, however, for both parties could be easily defined. Short shrift cannot be given to Hefner's...
  • enhanced reputation,
  • presumption of sexual prowess (even if not true), and
  • publicity for Playboy.

Perhaps Crystal had more to gain, to wit, she
  • became famous,
  • is likely set for life as a "celebrity",
  • has relatively limitless recognition,
  • was given jewels, gifts and money.

No indeed, short shrift need not apply. And on those accounts their union, their marriage,  made sense in an twisted, pragmatic way!

There is no surprise that the octogenarian could not curl Crystal's toes. Really! Poor Mr. Hefner... While still quite the sport, the 85 year old stallion is post stroke and hearing aided. Not exactly muscled up and eight inch scary, he appears more avuncular than stud-ful.

But so what. In his own right, Hugh is an amazing man. Perhaps his greatest contribution to mankind is his promotion of one of the greatest rights in the world -> FREE SPEECH. Ha, you thought the answer was going to be titties and more titties. In the early days, Playboy Magazine was a revolutionary turn in pictorial publication. Back then, in 1953, the monthly rag was shocking.

That first issue, costing 50 cents, featured Marilyn Monroe on the cover and as the model pictured as the newly popularized centerfold. (PLAYBOY NUMBERS #1 , #2 AND #3 IN MINT CONDITION USUALLY AVERAGE AROUND $10,000 USD.)

Somehow, this image of Marilyn is still fresh and engorging. Doubtless, Mr. Hefner has done more for the propagation of female beauty than any single individual.

So Hefner's raison d'etre, free speech, has become his current downfall. Stern, himself, a champion of free speech, managed to play the gray mattered challenged Harris like a flute in scoring some ratings points. Too bad those points were scored off of Hefner's foreskin. Ha... Stern forgot to ask if Hefner was cut... Surely he would have, if he had the presence of mind to do so.

Hefner has been classy. He tweeted..
Howard Stern would like me to respond to his interview with Crystal on his show tomorrow, but I don't want to throw her under the bus.
The girls & I are going to watch a movie of their choice tonight, Lindsay Lohan & Tina Fey in "Mean Girls."
And so time moves on. Hefner appears OK. And now Crystal has tweeted, just 30 minutes ago...
The Stern interview scared me, he's harsh. I was unprepared and blurted out things I shouldn't have said, I'm sorry.
Well, so there. Crystal is sorry. To forgive is divine. After all she is just a big kid. Just guessing, but the money is on Mr. Hefner taking the high road. Cool.

HH tweeted 5 minutes ago...
Crystal apologized for her Howard Stern interview, which I appreciated. It didn't have much to do with reality.
All things considered, Mr. Hefner was so fortunate. At the least, he deserves the love, the care and the loyalty of a wife. Crystal is not yet ready for marital prime time inasmuch as she violated Rule #1 of the Bunny's Commandments of Love. (Never make your man look bad!!)

And since Hef has only so many grains of sand left in his hourglass, he will be better off with a more aligned, ready for showtime, bella donna. Time, for him, is of the essence. One thing is certain - there will be another and another and another Playmate du jour as long as Mr. Hefner respires. Image is everything!

Hello Shera, hello! Cool!!!

Shera Bechard
E cosi va

New Year's Eve 2012-2013


Love Conquers All


Indeed, wed at the Playboy Mansion

Meet Mr. Hefner and the NEWEST Mrs. H

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