Tuesday, July 12, 2011

En Garde or Be A Sit Down Pisser

En Garde is a French term of art used at the beginning of a fencing match. On guard signals the combatants to be prepared, epees to the ready. These blunt edged swords cross and clang, click and clack and the artistry begins. Fencing is so graceful, so quick, and so elegant, yet theoretically lethal...

En Garde could be a warning, a cautionary yelp to another to be alert and ready. In keeping with the sword theme, it is thought that Catherine Kieu Becker may have yelled "En Garde" to her husband. That is right before she took a ten inch not dull blade to the tied-to-the-bed Mr. Becker (his name has not been released). So Mr. Becker, who had been drugged by Catherine, was stripped and fastened after he fell unconscious post cibum. His wife-prepared meal had been laced with a soporific. Only after he awoke did the angry donna cut off Mr. Becker's pecker. And then she threw his manhood into a garbage disposal and hit the switch. Hoobada... http://www.nola.com/crime/index.ssf/2011/07/mans_penis_cut_off_put_through.html


Wouldn't it have been nice if the match had been more fair, even-handed and balanced. Fanciful, yes, but what if the male member under assault rose up to the challenge. En Garde..., the cavernosa fill with blood, il gallo stiffens and hardens to steel. En Garde, with each clink of the knife the penis pushes back, click-clack, click-clack, click-clack... until the cock, itself, scores by thrusting into the opponent with an exuberant swing of the hips... Ah, the pipe dreams, the pipe dreams!

En Garde was the emergency department. Sliced off pene bleed copiously. Prompt attention to the injury at hand was offered. Lucky for the de-sworded marito, treatment was competent, the bleeding was stopped and the butt-ended wound stanched. Now the issue is whether the garbage disposed meat stick can be re-attached. Not a chubby chance of that...

Well, there is a slim hope. That is, if his love muscle isn't too badly homogenized or ground up, it's possible Mr. Stiffy could be sewn back on. If it is like a chewie or an over masticated Slim Jim, then the stubbed-out Mr. Johnson will need to get a reconstructive make-over. Picking up skin and muscle parts from here and there and a balloon pump to boot, Mr. Schlong may be back in the field double humping. Modern surgery...

Kieu Becker had to be pissed, waaaay pissed, to carry out such an act of aggression. The odds are 99:1 that Mr. Pecker was fooling around, out of the marital bed, to provoke such ire. There are no details yet, but really. A woman scorned is a she-devil. Damn!

What goes on in the mind of a woman like Catherine Kieu Becker? As yet, she has not shared or spoken, but she will. Most everyone in the clink chats it up before long.
  • Will she be declared temporarily insane?
  • Was it a case of marital rape?
  • Was it aggravated mayhem? see update below
  • Did Mister-Mister dose her with contagion?
  • How bad was Mr. Dick's behavior  to warrant a slice and a disposal?
  • Does he have a second family? Kids with other women?
  • Such an unfair fencing match between a knife and a phallus!
Isn't it odd that Catherine waited for him to awaken from his stupor, so that he would feel the pain of steel passing through his weiner?  She wanted him to realize he was being de-dicked! What was it like for him to suffer the idea of a life without a saw-zeech, just as the deed was done?

CKB must have looked wild eyed as spittle collected in the corners of her mouth when she butchered his wee-wee. Did she incise from the dorsal or ventral side or did she use a lateral approach? Did he get the wrong idea? Could this have been crazy sex gone too far? Was there a history of this sort of play between them? Were either of them excited, wet excited as the sharp knife edge met skin? Did he pee reflexly?

Biatch!!!! Oops, sorry, just keying in this scenario caused a personal thigh clamp of 400 mg Hg. Too much penile circulation was compromised resulting in pain. This reaction was merely a reflexive penile protective response at work. Just thinking about this topic will cause a normal man to boil and recoil. There now... there now...

And so it plays out. Another penis is removed by an unhappy spouse*. En Garde, men of all stripes. All males are all but one flick of the wrist from becoming sit-down pissers. En Garde... En Garde...


Right now a faceless man has returned from a work day at the bank...
"Oh honey, I'm home. what's for dinner?" asks the philandering Los Angeleno, as he walks into the house.
"Hi Sweetums, sit down, dear, have a Margarita. I just put one on the counter for you."
"Sugar, the taste is a little off, did you use a new mix?"
Laughing, the mad wife, Veronica replies, "Don't worry, I'm not trying to poison you... yes... it must be the mix." (It was the ground-up 40 mg of Ambien in the drink that tasted a bit bitter.)
En Garde, En Garde!!
Later tonight, once the dicker and the dick are out cold, a copy cut act will happen. Only if things like penis loppings weren't publicized, people wouldn't get ideas. Men, if you live in Los Angeles, thigh clamp now... or forever you will miss your piece. Perhaps it's time to bring back food tasters...

E cosi va

*In 1993, Lorena Bobbit cut off the penis of her husband, John Wayne Bobbit. Among his negative attributes were a string of infidelities and different forms of abuse. After the amputation, she took off in her car. As she moved along, she threw J. Wayne's severed member into a field. The dick was recovered and later reattached in a 9 hour surgery. John Wayne Bobbit subsequently made a short lived mini career out of flaunting his member (which works!). The notion of spousal rape grew out of the Bobbit case. At trial, Lorena was found not guilty by reason of temporary insanity.


John Wayne and Lorena

Is it just coincidence or are Catherine and Lorena related? They do look a bit alike. Is this a profile look for a cock cutter? Hmmm. Probably coincidence. Hmmm. Indeed!!

UPDATE July 14, 2011

(Jeff) Nightengale (police lieutnenant) also says that pieces of the severed member were recovered from the crime scene and transported to the hospital with the victim last night, but he has no details on how the surgery went. Police hope to interview the victim either today or tomorrow.
Becker has been charged with "aggravated mayhem, false imprisonment, assault with a deadly weapon, administering a drug with intent to commit a felony, poisoning and spousal abuse," according to the Associated Press. The most serious of these charges is "aggravated mayhem," which carries a life sentence with possibility of parole (as opposed to just "mayhem," which has a sentence of 3-5 years).
Of the aggravated mayhem charge, Nightengale says, "It's so heinous -- we're looking at this as premeditated. Her intention was to permanently deprive him of a piece of his body and do it in such a way to inflict a great amount of pain and psychological damage." He also adds, "I've been doing this for 22 years and the only other time I remember this happening was when Lorena Bobbitt did it, and that didn't even happen here. This isn't a typical domestic violence case -- it was way over the top."
...Nightengale said that Becker "told responding officers that he 'deserved it.'" Nightengale also revealed that the married couple was going through a divorce.

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