Monday, October 11, 2010


Ever since Prescott Peabody was a little boy, he has resorted to the same bedtime technique. Back when he was wee, when it was dark, frightened and alone, PP would lie in his bed prone. Pulling his hands up to his chest and clenching his fists over his heart, Prescott would take long, deep breaths until he felt himself relax. His breathing would become more measured and easy, his fists would relax and he would feel a wave of calm. Pressy didn't know it then, but he hyperventilated himself into an almost drug like state of not caring.

Sometimes when P'man got on to his relaxion by hypocarbia, he would imagine things. His brain was so washed of concern that he could see clearly, as if the color filters were removed from his eyes. Later in life, PP could achieve this state when his head was full of post coital endorphins. Ah, things were so simple when he felt like that. And Pescott Peabody so wanted to feel that way again.

Through his seventy two years there were many times the oft beleaguered Prescott had to resort to the "giggedy', his name for his trick. In fact, Peabody was using "giggety" way before anyone heard of the fictional, Glen Quagmire.

Quagmire is the made up sex crazed-pilot character in the adult cartoon, Family Guy. Glen often uses the phrase giggety-giggety at times of emotional emphasis. Like when he sees a pretty woman or if he is lucky in love.

Pressy has pretty much run out of friends. Men, as a rule, tend not to have much of a social network to begin with, but when his only pal, Joe Bellastra, and his wife, Fren, died in the course of a ninth month span a year ago, Press was cooked. Joe passed from complications of sepsis. Turns out JP had a bad prostate, not cancer, but just a bad prostate. Jo-Zeke, as Press called him, needed to piss so often that he carried a small urinal around with him. A piss flask, if you will. Doc Sustmen stuck a needle in Joe's prostate and lo and behold, the patient got E. coli in his blood. (Doc shot the needle up Joe's who-who, puncturing through the former accountant's rectum. That's where E. coli live.) Within 72 hours, JP got the bacteria in his blood and he died. Dead.

Fren got hit by a car. As strange as that seems, a 2008 black Navigator picked her off at the mailbox. As she was fiddling with the loose plastic latch on the misaligned door of the box, Kid Simmons ran her down like livestock. Kid, who was thirteen at the time, had stolen old man Plester's Lincoln and was off on a seventy mile per hour joyride. Joyride, now there's a name for you. Splat went the house coat frocked Fren. The ER doctor said "Dead on Impact". Dead. Her face, which was originally bovine in visage, was too damaged and too marred for an open viewing. Oh and Kid's real name is Kidwell. And oh, oh, the Navigator and Kid sustained no damages.

So with Joe and Fren gone, the Pressman was lonely (and scared, too). Bogeymen! It came as no surprise when the "giggety" rose up like the Phoenix to help Press through the nights. Recently, PP has been able to see and hear things. His "giggety" has gone high tech. Once his blood carbon dioxide is low enough, he relaxes and the show begins.

Oddly and through a quirk of Twitter surfing, he has become fixed on an Asian actress named, Bai Ling. Perhaps this is related to the fact that he inadvertently came across her YouTube video, where she sings a bad, but good, original tune, I Look For U. Here it is.

After listening to Bai, who must be a better actress than she is a singer, he checked out some of her Google images. These are his three favorites.

So now after seventy two years, the "giggety" has a new twist. Prescott has added sound and video to the production. And sometimes, when the sound and the video and the images are just right and when he is relaxed just so, Prescott Peabody moves his hips into his soft, accepting mattress. Giggety-giggety.

And so it goes.

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