Sunday, October 31, 2010

Blue Paint


What with class warfare starting to shape up in the USA, damaging expensive German cars is rapidly becoming the new sport. Not that other motor vehicles aren't expensive and obnoxious, but... Somehow Lexuses (Lexi?) and Infinitis tend to piss off the masses less than the German cars. Why? Who knows? But it's a fact, ask Brian.

Damaging can come in the form of stealing, ramming, denting or worse. More commonly, keying or nailing is done. Less impressive from twenty feet, keying and nailing are effective nonetheless. Besides, keying and nailing are easy and inconspicuous and can be deftly completed walking through a parking lot. Just hold the metal scratcher out about an inch and slowly walk past the target. It's really cool when the paint flakes off onto the perp's thumb and hand. When the key or nail is just at the right angle,


the feeling is as sweet as hitting a line drive home run.

Sally McCullen and Brian McCausland have been together for nearly fours years. The Macs is the name they call themselves and they often speak in the third person. Sickening really...

S "What do the Macs want for dinner?"

B "Hmm, this Mac wants to eat out, something tropical, perhaps, ..."

S "OK, Mac, how about the fried grouper all you can eat special at Mr. Pete's Cajun? If it's Thursday, ya kno, it's grouper at Mr. Pete's"

And that's how they got to the Enterprise Avenue "Bonanza" strip mall. Mr. Pete's rents the two store fronts all the way to the right of the 70's era bunker building. The other three stores are let by Rainbow Vitamins and Tanning, Vita's Dance Studio and Patel's Subcontinental Variety. If it weren't for Pete's, the shop strip would be bereft of much business after 6 PM.

A college kid with too blue eyes and a few Kevin Bacon chin hairs waited the Macs' table. They were not strangers.

"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Mac."

B "Hey Zack, how u doin?"

Z "All good, kewl, U 2?

S "The Macs are well. Thank you Zack." Sally could be a boner sometimes. Zack's chinny chin irked her. Brian grew a city sidewalk beard once. The kind of beard that grows like the weeds that crop up between the cracks of the concrete. It was piebald and scraggly. Consequently, Sally declared war on facial hair. An odd reaction inasmuch as she was could be a Christine O'Donnell down below double. Funny how she could demand smooth but not give smooth. Oh well.

B "Specials for the Macs, Zack."

Z "Grouper/fries/slaw for 2 it is. Iced Teas or Cokes?" Mr. Pete's allowed either Iced Tea, Coke or water as part of the special package.

Boner "The Macs will have waters."

As they waited for the heart attack special, the Macs chit chatted. Nothing new really, same old hash, just rehashed. Her job, his job, her boss, his boss, her weight, his flat tire... Oh man, nothing like the days when they talked about sex and how hot they were for one another. Lust -> Love -> Ennui -> Ho-hum.

At first she thought it was just the light. Mr. Pete's had those table candles, blue, red, green and amber ones, in jars like balls. These Venetian candles were placed randomly through the dining area. The outside of the jars were contoured and the texture and tactile appeal of the jars demanded they be touched. Brian was holding the blue ball candle with both hands, like a priest holds a consecrated chalice. Sally could see the flecks of Monaco blue paint covering the backs of Brian's right thumb and index finger. Monaco blue is a popular BMW color.

"Briiian, you're hand, what's on your right hand?" queried Sally. She wasn't sure whether the blue coloration on his hand was a reflection of the blue light as it transluced the glass.


"Oh", Brian could only get an oh out as he tried to brush the metallic flecks off of his hand. To no avail, paint flecks are pesky hanger oners. "Must be some dirt".

She grabbed the soiled hand as if Brian had leprosy. The flickering candle flame radiated off of the metallic paint particles. "Looks like paint."

Just then Zack arrived with the waters. He placed them in the middle of the table, as if he set up a couple of sentries to protect the bottom thick blue candle jar. Before Sally could reload, Brian was up and moving towards the rest room.

Upon his return, the grouper specials had landed and Sally was already elbow deep. She was hungry. Watching Sally eat was interesting, since she ate like a Kenmore washer on "heavy load". With a clean right hand (left too, Brian washed them both), he joined his Mac-let in the head down in the plate gorging. Well, they weren't plates, but red plastic woven baskets

lined with a piece of quasi waxed paper. No matter, the flatware was plastic as well. And the table cloth... Plastic Pete's.

With their bellies full and their cholesterol levels up 50 mg% the Macs headed out the door. Brian left Zack a little extra tonight. He felt Zack's pain when he got boned with, "The Macs will have waters." It was the way Sally said it with her face screwed up like she smelled something bad. Brian knew that look.

The rain had stopped. Sally, who had been dropped off by Brian in front of Pete's, didn't know where Brian parked the Mazda. Brian, who was a step behind her, took her by the hand. They walked towards the Tribute. A couple, nicely dressed and tall, were stooping, looking at the side of their car. Sally noted an "M5" emblem on the trunk deck. And she saw that familiar blue and white airplane propeller, too. BMW!

As the Macs pulled out of the lot, Sally looked back. She could tell the snappy looking couple were upset. The were moving their arms in motions, between anger and frustration. Although she didn't realize it then, in a couple of days she is going to get a blue flashback. Indeed she will remember that the BMW M5 was blue, Monaco blue.


And when she gets that flashback, her nose will crinkle in that all too familiar way. As if she could smell bad paint. Briiian!

And so it goes.

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