Thursday, September 2, 2010

Nicotine Water and Entourage Confusion

Two recent incidents, both arising from the HBO series Entourage, have led to sufficient blurring of the real-unreal construct that Samuel Leatherman has taken up drinking nicotine water.

One half liter in the morning and another at bedtime. Since each bottle contains 4 mg of nicotine, Leatherman is in effect smoking 4-8 cigarettes, but without all the other bad stuff found in the coffin nails. Oh, and Leatherman is micturating like a racehorse.

This season's Entourage, a clever show created by Doug Ellin, has featured two themes, which have led to the shrunken Leatherman's imbibation. The first involves a character named Sasha Gray.

Somewhere early on this year, Vince picks up a girl named Sasha Gray and begins his expected tomfoolery. Vince, played by Adrian Grenier, is the "star" of the show. A few clues are dropped about Sasha being a porn actress. Leatherman, as well as many other followers not involved in porn, didn't know that the comely Ms. Gray is, indeed, a real porn actress.

Gray's Entourage character is an amalgam of real and unreal and honestly Leatherman does not stand alone in his inability to understand what's going on. To make matters worse, Leatherman has fouled the Cypress Mews Senior Center's Dell computer. The octogenarian carried out several forays to porn sites in his search to learn more about the small, but perky breasted Gray. Spyware and Malware

can do a job on a hard drive. Yeeow. Leatherman is now banned from the computer after Sylvie St. Germain was assaulted by a threesome doing a pretzel when she used the Dell to check a recipe. Leatherman had forgotten to close some windows when the prunish and prudish St. Germain rushed his computer investigations.

The second, less salty twist came when Leatherman's nephew from New York smuggled in a bottle of Avion tequila

for the dog lipped widower. Leatherman loves tequila, having been hooked for over sixty years. He was then a sailor based in San Diego. Leatherman and his seabee buddies got drunk on tequila at a donkey show in Tijuana one night so long ago. That was the codger's first experience with the fire of the gods.

Doug Ellin developed a subplot for the character, Turtle (one of Vince's long time friends and part of the entourage), wherein he and his Mexican girlfriend bring Avion tequila into the USA. Avion, Avion, Avion is said and repeated in what seems like hundreds of times. Leatherman, who is a tequila maven, had never heard of Avion and he believed that the brand was fiction. Imagine Leatherman's shock when he got a gander of his gift from Joel Leatherman. He repeated the name a few times and then it struck him. Turtle's tequila! Geez zu.

Before Leatherman lost his computer privileges, he had been researching the use of nicotine for the treatment of Parkinson's disease. Not that he had it, but a guy in Room 114, down the hall from Leatherman, shook like an oak leaf in the wind. It was kind of Leatherman to try to help Clifton Throneberry out. But Leatherman wasn't always so sweet. He made a habit of giving Throneberry too full cups of Pepsi and then he would roar as the Pepsi flew all over Throneberry, the gerrichair, the floor and everywhere else it could. As soon as Throneberry made a move to advance the Pepsi to his mouth the shaking and baking began and before you could say Leatherman, the demon of 118 was on the floor laughing his behind off.

Besides being useful in Parkinson's disease, the curious Leatherman learned that nicotine staved off Alzheimer's disease. Thinking that he would sooner or later become a blathering idiot himself, he was ready for the first signs. Consequently, as he began to lose touch with the reality of Ellin's TV show, Leatherman thought he would be drafted into the spiral stool society.

And so as a preemptive move, he invested in and he began to use nicotine water.

The last episode of the season will be aired in 10 days or so. Then, only one more season and Entourage will be put to rest. Leatherman and Throneberry hope to make it. So it goes.

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