The Electrics Are Coming

Green Guydon is sooo excited. The electrics are coming and he is near out of his mind. Still wearing his Viet Nam era bandannas and flared bottomed jeans, he has a yellowish gray beard and keen dark eyes. He looks dated. Indeed, if he would trim down that face coat and go to the Gap for a tune up, he would look like Johnny Depp plus 30 years. You'd be surprised, though, at all the old hippie girls still looking. This may be the reason the Guyster keeps up the "look".

Guy currently is not working, having been laid off from his sales job at the Fifth Wheel. Recreational vehicles are selling like ice cream in the dead of winter in Nome. With his unemployment benefits now extended to what seems like 2 million years, he is only in the 89th week of collecting. Nothing better than money for nothing, especially for a 60's era slacker. Barack Obama will do for out of work benefits what LBJ did for health care, societal life gifts forever. Guy is a registered Democrat. Yeooow.

At 5-3, Guy has resorted to using two techniques to keep UP appearances. To his good luck, he has inherited the Padlowski hair gene. The first trick is the 3 inch pompadour. His mostly white hair reaches up into the stratosphere, pouffed and sprayed to perfection. The second little ploy is his scarpe. He buys custom shoes from Gene's of Minneapolis. Gene Kershaw, 5-1, invented and developed the "Dunk" line of footwear. Hip and fashionable would be the best description of these kicks, which incidentally are made in Kentucky. Between the heel lifts and the internal risers, Guy picks up another 2 inches. At 5-3, he looks 5-8. A-cup to C-cup, yeah. It is a pity that his hands are those of a man 5-3, but you can only do so much.

With so much time on his Lilliputian hands, Guy-Go has become a zealot, a green zealot. His days are consumed with recycling, carbon footprints, gas guzzling, energy conservation, food contents, and lots more. His passion du jour is the electric car. "Zero Emissions" is his mantra and his tee shirt looks like this. This is the Nissan logo promoting its all electric vehicle, the Leaf.



This is the Nissan all electric vehicle, the Leaf.



Guy thinks this is stupid name, maybe the Japanese brainos think Americans will associate leaves with green. When Guy thinks green, things like tea and moss and algae and money come to mind. Despite the whack name, the Leaf is all electric, all the time. No gasoline motor. The 4 door sedan has a range of 100 miles, adequate for most commuters. You have to pay an electrician to set up a hot juice line at your house and it takes 8-9 hours to get the Li battery fully loaded. Range anxiety is the issue, will a Leaf really go 100 miles? with the AC at full blast? with a full load of American chubsters on board? And what happens when you charge out? Where can you get a hot shot?

Priced at $41K, the GM Volt, an electric car with a gas motor, costs 9K more than the Leaf. Volt is a stronger name than Leaf, but Guy-Guy would have preferred "Bolt". A bolt is some kind of powerful electrical phenomenon. In a weird way, the GM folk named their car after the Italian physicist, Alessandro Volta (1745-1827).



The Volt has an all electric range of 40 miles, but it can go 300 more miles on a tank of carbon footprint. For another 11 grand, range anxiety can be assuaged. Guy thinks the Volt is the way to go.



It would be great for commutes, but you could still use the car for vacation and longer trips. Both cars come with a $7500 federal rebate. Rationally, Guy thinks the rebate for the Volt should be higher based on proportionate costing theory.

Leaf-Volt, Leaf-Volt, the dawning of a new age. These two entries are going to look so silly in 5 years, but who cares. Resale values will be small since the newer products will be so much better and cheaper. The Leaf-Volt will look like the $1000 Sony Betamax of yesteryear. For now, though, excitement abounds. Guy thinks he will buy one of the electrics as soon as he gets a job. In the meantime, maybe BO, can somehow get another bill passed, which would give every American not only health insurance and extended unemployment benefits but a new Volt too. No way BO is going to give out Leafs. Well, maybe, if they make them in Tennessee...